i meant to switch my phone to silent
but mis-keyed and switched my phone to violent.
it shouted at me for an hour;
took photographs of my empty wallet and sent them to all my friends to expose how broke i was;
sent messages to everyone in my address book;
ransom notes in predictive txt;
‘u willy diet u bass hards
sin d cash or eye willy gif u can sir
( evilly ) lol’;
downloaded an expensive dutch ringtone with interesting use of counterpoint and then told me I was a tone-deaf pillock for not appreciating the gesture;
when it spat battery acid at my ipod it crossed a line.
i gaffer tapped it to the sofa
and made it watch the bit in terminator 2 when they melt the machine in the molten metal
that shut it up.
sodding egotistical calculator.
